I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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