I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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