He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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