yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
50% drunk capacity currently
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
