I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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