It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
