Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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