She's JV to your varsity
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i think im in europe. pls send help
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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