9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
