um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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