I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
