I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
