I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
