I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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