you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
