no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize