the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize