i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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