i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
