im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
