there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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