Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You may now shotgun with the bride
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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