Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
