I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
