After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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