he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
