I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize