All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
