Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
