What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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