Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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