It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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