I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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