hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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