your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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