Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
