I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
