I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
