First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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