it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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