So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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