shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
