I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
