I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
