Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
