You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
