so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Couch. On fire.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
