I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
