I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
