It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
