What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
