here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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