So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Randomize
