What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
