Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
