Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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