I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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