you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
