Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
