3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
