My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
