yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
