I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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