I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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