I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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