I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
