you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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