yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize