Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We smell like vodka and hangover
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