I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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