I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
